


whenever i want you (all i have to do)

by ivermectin



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: (i made them up entirely), Hurt/Comfort, Lowercase, Movie Nights, Other, POV Second Person, Pining, mentioned/implied violence and child abuse, references to you: season 3, the original character is a person of colour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27616034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivermectin/pseuds/ivermectin
Summary: nate archibald is not your boyfriend.
Relationships: Nate Archibald/Dan Humphrey, Nate Archibald/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	whenever i want you (all i have to do)

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i will be honest, this is the sort of thing that i write and never post, but i wanted to share it just in case it resonates with someone. i've put a bit more about where it came from in the end notes - was going to put that here, but i want you to read the fic first. ahah.
> 
> title from "all i have to do is dream" by the everly brothers, aka, a 10/10 warm, soft, pining song.

a part of you knows this show will be triggering to you, but all your friends want to watch it, so you say okay. you’re in some rich kid’s fancy and posh apartment. they mill about, getting snacks, setting up, the works. you call dibs on the sofa. nate archibald sits next to you, gives you a beaming smile. he’s not your boyfriend yet, but you smile back, and you think he could be, one day, maybe.

*

the show begins. it’s season 3 of that serial killer show, the one with the actor who looks incredibly similar to dan humphrey – nobody else is bringing this up, so you don’t, either. he’s getting sloppy with his killing during this season, hurting children and leaving corpses all over the place for people to find, fleeing out of there with shoddy passports and an unrealistic agility that makes it impossible for people to track him.

you don’t know what it is that makes this so uncomfortable for you; what it is about this show that gets under your skin and twists you inside out like this. you shift on the couch, and eventually, you find yourself with your head on nate’s lap, cheek pressed against the warm denim, his hand running through your hair comfortingly. at some point you have begun to cry, but he doesn’t comment on the cold, damp patch on his thigh and neither do you. nobody’s looking at either of you, anyway.

it’s warm, comforting. the way being here with him feels; there is a reason he is every girl’s dream boy. a part of you you’re not going to acknowledge thinks he is the sole reason you are sitting here watching a show you knew would upset you. leaning against him, you are not afraid.

later on, once it’s over, you’ll think you and vanessa abrams had a lot in common. but it’s not over yet, and you try not to let yourself grow too familiar with the pattern of his hand in your hair, your hair that’s overly curly in the way that white people’s hair never is. while it’s going on, you marvel at the intimacy. you think of all the people who’ve had sex with nate, seen him naked, touched him, held him, made him come. and you wonder how many of them have had a moment like this, head pillowed on his lap, his quietness a gentle form of support unlike anything else. you think, this is real intimacy. you think he fills you with a sort of contentness you’ve never had before. in that moment, you know that you love him.

*

later on, over dinner, stumblingly, dan talks to you about nate, mostly about how he feels about nate, shows you photos on his phone of the two of them, and you can hear the ache in his voice. he’s not here to issue a warning to you, or to brood. he’s here because he’s been pining longer than you, deeper than you, and he can see the signs, and maybe he just wanted solidarity. you know he won’t sabotage you. which is why, maybe, you tell him that he should talk to nate. tell him to take a chance. you tell him he can either keep his pride and gain nothing, or lose his pride, take a risk, and maybe gain everything. they’re his words, but it’s fine; out of your mouth they come out different, and you can see the shift in his demeanour and his posture and you know it’s going to work.

he laughs, charming, the low timbre of his voice comforting, the way his laughter is unrestrained filling you with the happiness, comfort and knowledge that you’ve done the right thing.

“go get him, attaboy,” you say, in an attempt to sound american, and he gives you a look, and you laugh, too.

*

it doesn’t hurt the way you would’ve expected it to. after all, nate still smiles at you like that, and now, so does dan. they’re both your best friends. which, really, is more than you could’ve asked for. right?

you can now huddle up to both of them while watching horror movies, after all. say things like, “dan, that serial killer looks like you,” and reap the benefits of nate’s warm laugh.

it’s fine. it’s not a love triangle, not really. you’re okay. it’s not the kind of love you’ve dreamed of, but it’s better. 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. this is all based on a dream i had. like, an actual, honest-to-god, i was asleep and my subconscious threw this at me kind of dream. i woke up feeling really good about myself, and was like "why do i feel this good?" and then i remembered.
> 
> 2\. therefore, the 'original character'........ is basically me. usually when i do this i would name them ivy, but there's already an ivy in the GG universe, and this fic is not for her. nope, nope. i considered writing it from dan POV, but that felt like a lie, and i considered writing it from a vanessa POV, but i didn't want to navigate the dan & vanessa dynamic today. therefore. 
> 
> 3\. yeah, i didn't need to disclose the self-insert thing. but uh, i absolutely wanted to. just so you know, i guess??
> 
> 4\. yes, the title was a pun. but also, the song _really_ fits, ok. 
> 
> feel free to hit me up [@dancommablair](https://dancommablair.tumblr.com/) on tumblr! my askbox is open, and since this one's relatively different from my usual nonsense, you get a free pass to either yell at me or encourage me.


End file.
